(Yes, that is me with an Oscar. No, it is not mine. Yes, I plan on obtaining one someday)
Today, I went to a University Open Day with my sister. She is looking to start university next year, and we are all very proud of her. However, walking around that university, it made me really miss the last three years.
I loved university. I made some amazing friends, had a lot of incredible experiences and grew exponentially as a person. Yes, I have a few regrets and there are things I’d do differently, but I would not have given up that university experience for the world.
But I miss it.I miss my course, I miss my friends. I miss being able to go anywhere I want, or to run down to Sainsburys for Friday night spontaneous ice cream.
I miss the independence of university most of all. I physically cannot afford to live anywhere else right now, so I’m saving as much money as I possibly can to either travel, do another degree or move.
Since moving home I have sort of settled. My mood, while more stable, is more ‘down’, for the most part, and while I have been working very well on my creative and academic pursuits, personally I haven’t really grown. I now work at home, and I don’t leave the house for sometimes days on end, either because there are things at home which are more important, or I don’t feel safe outside by myself.
My dad said recently that I’m regressing in my personal development, and I think the genuine anger I felt at that comment just exemplifies that.
I know I’ve been making excuses, and I’m determined to change. I’m setting up separate spaces for creative work and professional work, and I’m trying to take every new opportunity. I might not have taken every opportunity I possibly could at university, but I’m determined to now.