The dilemma of creativity.

I have been a writer since I was six years old. The first story I ever wrote was about a rabbit. I’m 21 now, and I’m struggling with my creative side.

I had difficulties during my time at university, which led to a diagnosis and then treatment for depression and anxiety. I’ve always been open about it; I will happily speak to anyone about that time and it has definitely moulded me into the person I am today. But that time, and that treatment, did change me and not always for the better.

I was medicated for about a year, and in that time I felt my creativity levels drop. Initially I believed it was because I had a lot on my plate; I was in my second year and I had a lot of work, I was running a university society and I had other personal issues going on. However, after I finished the treatment I still struggled with creativity. I theorised that this was because I was in my third year of university, I had a dissertation to write, and a lot of my mental energy was going towards that.

I finished university in May, and so far I’m still struggling with creativity.

While I am starting new projects, as a writer I’m finding that my dialogue is really forced, and it really shows. I’ve been experimenting with painting in a hope that I can unlock some kind of hidden creativity or inspiration, and while it has been helping, these bursts of inspiration are few and far between. I’m pretty sure it is coming back, somehow, but it’s taking it’s time.

I’m hoping the writing of this post will be cathartic. The loss of creativity being linked to my previous medication has been on my mind for a while and so I’m hoping getting this off my chest will help. Perhaps releasing one of my past anxieties will allow me to rediscover a part of me I’ve felt has been missing for a while.

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